Every year the math department has a dinner gathering to celebrate and honor
the accomplishments of the students who are about to leave us. We also like
to celebrate all those things that we have learned about our students in the
time they've been with us, especially anything that perhaps they wish we had
not learned about them...
(Pictures courtesy of Jenifer Boshes. Thanks jbosh!)
Who am I? (Guess the senior)
1. I come from a military upbringing, and I know respect. For instance, I was
Gilligan, and of course I respected the Skipper! I have so much respect for
mathematics that I always wear a tie to my final exams. I love math because
I can't BS my way through it the way I can with all those courses that I don't
respect. My professors respect me so much that I once had an exam question that
was written up just for me. One thing, though, that I don't respect is leather.
I hate it. Whenever I see it, I just want to kick it, as far and as high as
I can. Gee…do you think someone would pay me to do that?
Sean Lipscomb was awarded the Creative Spelling Award
for devising a large number of inventive spellings for the word vertical
2. My big thing is water. Nothing like being in the water and smelling of chlorine.
I knew that I was destined to be a math major when I heard that a Calc II teacher
had his students doing seemingly pointless things on the Salton Sea. Even though
I love the water, I was grateful that my slave owner Janine didn't make me row
the galley ship across the ocean and instead just had me make about 1 million
copies for Dr. Beery. The best thing about my leadership in water sports is
that it taught me how to overcome those little mistakes in life, like intending
to say "circumscribe" in your senior talk and having it come out as
"circumcize."
Sarah Rosenberger was given the Survival of the Fittest Award
For limping to work at the Department after polo practice for four years.
3. I am a deep thinker. I love math because I view it as weight training for the mind. I can often be found wandering around deep in thought. I might be pondering the mysteries of the Bible, dissecting the theories of Kant, or exploring topological universes. Deep thinkers like me can't be bothered with the trivial matters that occupy the minds of lesser mortals. I hear that Raquel once scolded Dr. Koonce for telling me exactly what time the review session started, instead of telling me that it started one hour earlier. I don't know why she did that.
Noah Unabia was awarded the Time Relativity Award
for his consistent lack of awareness of when classes start.
4. Boy, have I ever changed a lot in college! When I first arrived, I was very
uncomfortable in community meetings, but later on I would greet new students
in my birthday suit. In my first math courses, I think that I made a less than
stellar impression on most of my professors, but by the end I had a prof who
was begging me to illustrate his new text. When I came to college, I had no
idea what I wanted to do with myself, but by my senior year I realized that
my career path pointed directly to that of a petroleum financial liason (er—gas
attendant). The only thing that didn't seem to change in college was my spelling…
Ian Fellows earned the Creative Homework Award
for his ability to find mathematical problems to work on that have as little
to do with the actual HW assignment as possible.
5. I, too, have changed a lot in college. When I arrived, I was a shy, quiet
person. It's true! You'd never know that I was from Sin City, especially when
I got religion. After all, math is a religion: you have the clergy (faculty),
the dogma (theorems), and rituals (pretending to study). But then something
happened. I think I started hanging out with a bad crowd. The next thing you
knew, I was writing haikus on bananas, saying things like "hublhublhubl,"
and threatening to pull Raquel's belly button ring. I spent most of my senior
year in the math lounge, and was it ever a rowdy place when I was there! Of
course, that was just a coincidence…wasn't it?
Jenifer Boshes received the Math Lounge Instigator Award
For demonstrating the most assertive and mischevious tactical skills in the
Hentschke Hall study lounge.
6. I guess you'd say that I am all about experience. Experience really pays
off. You want to know what it is like to run out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
I've got experience at that! You want to work in the fast food industry? I have
experience at that, too—as well as how to irritate your boss so much that
he invents a nasty rumor in order to have you fired. Where my experience really
paid off was on my team. I was the man! Of course, I was so much older that
I was a man among boys, but so what? I'll tell you what—my experience
certainly intimidated all those math majors! They had a so-called "appreciation
day" for me and called me "the smartest man alive." Just don't
ask my wife about my experience fixing things. And now I am really experienced
at public speaking. I know just how important that letter "l" is in
the word "public."
James Graham was given the Analogy Generator Award
for his ability to generate phrases such as "that's like building a house
with a pocket knife", "Mathematical research is like a stone dropping
in a pond, you never know how long it will take to get to the bottom",
and, of course, "Hey, I'm a generator!".
7. Hey! They don't call me "DQ" for nothing! What's that? "Dairy
Queen?" Tsk [snap!]—you must be trippin'! DQ stands for "Drama
Queen," of course! I tell you, I was great at bugging my Discrete professor
by flipping my navel ring. That got me attention! I am also the quickest to
answer questions in class. Like—hey! Excuse me, Jennifer! I was talking
first! And another thing—oh, hold on, I have a call. [Pretend to hold
cell phone to ear.] Hello? Yes, little brother, I'll get right back to you—but
remember, you are MY little brother, right? Anyone who tries to take you away
from me is going to be sorry! [Pretend to put down cell phone.] Okay, where
was I? Oh, yeah, right. I was going to get a Ph. D. and I had a great professional
name picked out for myself but Ian explained why that was a bad idea. So now
I am going to write a book on proper classroom etiquette. Remember that it is
rude not to show up for class looking your best. So, if your dorm has no hot
water in the morning, you'll just have to miss class!
